saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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