I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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