My room smells like vodka and shame
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
