piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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