I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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