I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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