you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
