bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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