I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
