I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
