I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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