Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
