ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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