Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
