i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
