youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The Olympian is in my bed
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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