eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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