i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
