Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
