so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize