Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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