So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
