she was so not down for the gang bang
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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