Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
