3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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