OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
