i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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