Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
