Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
