Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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