I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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