You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
