11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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