We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
