It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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