he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
