I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
