my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
