I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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