We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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