So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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