why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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