My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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