You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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