Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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