I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
