you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
