Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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