There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
