I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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