Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
