I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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