how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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