i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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