Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
