i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
