Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
