Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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