So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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