Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
