So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
