im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This baby is an asshole
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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