Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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