Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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