Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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