were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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