Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there's paper in my vomit.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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