Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.

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(509): View more from Washington

im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid

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(540): View more from Virginia

Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right

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(303): View more from Colorado

there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.

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(972): View more from Texas

Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult

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(501): View more from Arkansas

If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...

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(407): View more from Florida

After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!

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(818): View more from California

You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.

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