i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
