This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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