I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
