Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
