Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize