Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
