so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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